3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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