Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
time to smoke my breakfast
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
