Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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