i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
