K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
