i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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