and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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