Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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