My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize