apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
