WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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