when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
