I cockslap morals
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
