omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize