did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
