We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
