winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
