could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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