On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
