I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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