There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
