OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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