i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
