we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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