I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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