im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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