Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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