I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
