she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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