Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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