Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
