my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
