we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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