I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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