You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
