I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
