I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
