Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
