thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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