I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
