I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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