the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
