Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize