she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The uberlube is also flammable
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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