Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
