my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
