Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
