i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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