you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize