but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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