Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
