don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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