i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
