Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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