Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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