I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
