with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
