I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
