Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
