It's a beautiful day for a hangover
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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