I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize