we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
