either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
