I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
