do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
