Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize