Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
