You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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