well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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