I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
