my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
